Tuesday, March 5, 2013
When the Sun Pours In
Saturday was a long day. Andrew was working an extra shift due to low staffing and being sick. He had worked multiple shifts that weren't his, and Blanche could feel that things were not normal. That and she still had that cold, plus getting her two year old molars. A hard time for everyone. I think I started feeling pretty sorry for myself after awhile. A sad and restless sort of sorry. I felt trapped inside. When Andrew got home he sensed my weariness and told me to take some time to myself. All that led to was me trying to make art, but I was really not in the right mood. So I came back downstairs and sat in my favorite vintage green chair. All of the sudden it seemed the sun had broke though the clouds for the first time in two weeks. I felt the sun on my face, and looked over to my sweet little Blanche watching her show. I had been sitting there so quietly she hadn't noticed my presence. She walked up to me sweetly and wanted up on my lap and then to nurse. I was soaking in the moment when Andrew came around the corner and saw the same thing I had felt.
"This is beautiful!" he exclaimed. And grabbed my camera. I love when he grabs the camera. Andrew hadn't taken any nursing pictures since Blanche was probably only a few months old. I love how sweet and little she still looks. Seeing these pictures reminds me why I'm not in a hurry to wean Blanche. I don't want to loose these moments. Sometimes I try so hard to make something beautiful, but then when I stop and open my eyes, it really is all around me.
I feel like this winter I've really been thinking a lot about who I am and what I do each day, and what that means. I think its easy to get caught up in the every day and to loose yourself in so many of the mommy-moments. Maybe thats more of what I meant when saying in my last post that I get bored with the mom club. Its not that I get bored of the moms… I mean they keep me sane. I think I just think we all can get so wrapped up in talking about how many minutes each baby slept for a nap, or who's drinking what type of milk. I know I do these things too. And especially the first time and new moms tend to gravitate their conversations towards these types of things. But I just want to hear more about people dreams. About their passions. And maybe that is raising a baby. But I'm sure it deals with more than just a nap time. I guess I am just longing to get down to the heart of things. For us moms to talk about who we are as a person. Maybe thats what I like in other artists, they really tend to focus on figuring that out.
The sun was even warmer yesterday, and by the evening my cheeks had pink on them. I felt warmed and rested. Even though this Arkansas weather is back to just above freezing again, I think my mind knows its almost spring. This morning I thought Andrew had slept in because the sun had started pouring in our bedroom, but he said no it was only 6:30, the sun is just starting to come up sooner. Then I started thinking in my half asleep mind about daylight savings, and how soon we would "spring" forward, and I drifted happily back asleep cuddled up next to Andrew and Blanche.