Wrinkled Noses, Smiles, and Coos

Even though I took these pictures last week, things pretty much look the same around here. Blanche goes back and forth between a very loving, well attached child, who says Rosemary is cute and kisses her and says "Oh hi, how are you??" in such a sweet voice, to the other side of herself. The one that has a winkled nose and is maybe deaf? All I know is we have to physically remove her from what she is doing before she will stop. It actually gave me great comfort to hear my mom tell me, "You were my little sweet buddy before your brother was born and then you became Nightmare on Elm Street." I was a nightmare? Oh thank God. There is hope for Blanche after all.

Actually the wrinkled nose in the top picture was Blanche telling me to cry as she left her room to go to "school." Crying really wasn't the emotion I had, but I snapped a picture and then did my lazy impression of a distraught mother who's little angel is going off to school.

Rosemary is still doing as seen above, nursing. She is a good baby, but I like to tell myself that I have brilliant babies who love to be held as an instinctual survival skill. Can you tell I have been spending several hours a day alone? Well, alone in the no one over two years old way.

The third picture is Blanche in her two year old frry. I just read a quote from Jerry Seinfeld today, "Two year olds are like blenders without lids." Blanche likes to make "piles." She likes to pack bags full of things like two play dishes, a pretend carrot and turkey leg, a book, a block, something of Andrews, something of mine, something from somewhere else that is not hers... and so on.

I also took all these pictures while nursing. I can almost do anything while nursing. This includes resetting the internet for Blanche multiple times, making coffee, going to the bathroom, eating breakfast, lunch, and/ or dinner. I have yet to master putting away laundry, changing diapers, and sweeping the floors while nursing. Wish I could.

It can be easy to feel like these things make a difficult life. I know though that my life is not. I am blessed with two beautiful girls. What can be hard is to not feel like a machine. A robot in ways, going from child to child and room to room. Cleaning and helping. I like to remember that I have thoughts and ideas and that there are people that care about them. I just spend all day with two people that really could care less about "my ideas and thoughts." But what makes me know that all of this is worth it, is that one day they will care. I hope they will call me like I call my own mother to hear that they were lots of trouble and work when they have their own children. Hopefully Blanche and Rosemary will reassure me as well. That although they watched too much television they turned out to be loving adults who cared for their mother. I also know that they do care for me now. Anytime I sneeze Blanche will come running into the room and ask, "Okay mom?" Rosemary has started cooing and smiling at me.

On days like today I make coffee and sit here writing instead of cleaning while Blanche takes a nap. I know I should clean and when I start writing I think I have made the wrong choice because my mind feels a little like mush, but I at least have written down things that I would have otherwise forgotten.

(Also, I have never seen Nightmare on Elm Street. Probably because it was made before I was born. But when I googled it and read, "A child murderer..." I am not so happy about my mom's reference. Thanks mom. Geez. Haha. Love you!)