Saturday, March 29, 2014

Growing Up

Andrew is working late tonight, and I am sitting hungry at the computer. Rosemary has nursed and went to sleep on my lap while I was researching online about baby slings. I am sure to someone without children this sounds like a pretty boring Saturday night. Honestly before writing that last sentence I had forgotten it was Saturday night. I am just happy that my toddler was asleep by nine and that I got to have time to look at baby slings. My only real complaint is that I wish Andrew was here so he could bring me a bowl of cereal. I am not really that lazy. It is just that if I stand up I am sure Rosemary will wake up, which could end this whole relaxing thing.

Today as I went through the normal daily tasks I thought about some of the things Blanche is doing that I should probably write down. I realized today that I sort of have this sad feeling. It is not when looking at pictures of Blanche as a baby, but pictures of her from the last several months. Before Rosemary came Blanche was my little baby. And then I was so pregnant, and then I had a newborn. And all of the sudden I look at pictures of her from two to two and half and I feel like I missed it. Or I have a sad feeling when I see pictures I took of her in the bath, and I can tell by my feet in the picture that I was in there with her. Last night I was trying to process a lot of this new life with Andrew. The life of Blanche not being the only child. As I told Andrew my worries, he said that the only real solution to so many of those things was Blanche being an only child, which was never what we wanted for her or our family. Sometimes I am sad that Blanche's life is so different from what it use to be, but I know that change is good. It seems designed by God at times that the toddler years are so influenced by a desire for independence. We spaced our girls naturally with breastfeeding, so it's reassuring when Blanche in fact does want to do a lot of things herself. And honestly she has to now. Our bath time routine use to be that I was in there too. We would play, and I would wash her hair and her animals would watch as she was a big girl and let me rinse the soap out. She would always want me to act out stories and make her little animals say things. Now her bath time is more of just creative play. A few times a week I will get my hands around her little body and wash it with a bar of soap. Blanche now turns off and on the water by herself. She can do a lot of self cleaning and turns on the faucet to put her head under. I tend to walk in and out of the bathroom. I probably shouldn't, but our house is only 800 square feet, and I can always hear her. I am now almost always holding Rosemary or changing her diapers. Last night when I talked to Andrew about it I was so sad at how Blanche's life had changed. I felt like I had let her down in a way. But then tonight during bath I realized something. Blanche is just growing up, and that is what is making me sad. Tonight I sat in the bathroom and nursed Rosemary beside the tub. Now it was Blanche acting out the stories with her animals. She rarely looked up at me while playing and never wanted my input on her creative games and stories. She is becoming her own little person.

This picture was taken around Christmas time. I love it. Blanche had woken up early that morning and had already fallen asleep by the time we got to our playgroup. It had been a cold and rainy morning. It was sort of perfect because she feel asleep while I went through the drive thru for a coffee. I rarely do that sort of thing. We were also early to the playdate. I rarely do that either. So we sat in the parking lot of an inside play place, and I slowly drank my warm latte with the rain coming down. Little Rosemary was in my belly; I was eight months pregnant.

Just in the last two weeks Blanche has jumped to a new level with her vocabulary. We walked into Osh Kosh yesterday with her Gigi to buy some new pajamas. The lady working at the store greeted us. Baby Blanche would have been shy, but this new Blanche, she greeted her with a huge smile and almost a little wave. When I asked Blanche if she could tell the lady what we were there for she responded, "For my pajamas. I need some clothes for when I sleep." At first Andrew's mom was going to help "translate" but we both sort of realized at the same time that the lady understood Blanche. They were having a conversation. Blanche then walked up to the mannequin and said, "Oh.. I like that shirt and those shoes..."

After we had picked out her pajamas Blanche found some "sharky shoes." These were actually very sparkly silver flats. She was so excited. I told her that we needed to look for 7's. They must have been on clearance because they were in a big bin. I told Blanche that this is why it would be good to learn her numbers. Because even if she wasn't into math she would need to know them for shoe shopping. Blanche then continued to search saying,"Sevens where are you..." I then had Rosemary in the sling and looked down to deal with her. When I looked up Blanche had shoved a size 5 on her foot. She was limping around with her bright blue socks on and one very small silver shoe. "I found the 7! I found the 7!" She kept saying. We never found a 7, but man did she make me laugh.

Blanche is growing up right in front of me, and I can hardly believe it. I always knew she would grow up. I guess though that for the first two years of her life I could always see a little bit of baby still in her. Now I am holding a new baby and there is this big girl in front of me that shoe shops and washes out her own hair.

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