Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Family Visit Austin, Texas
Sometimes when life is moving fast its hard to slow down and think through things enough to write. I talked last time about wanting to sit down and write something beautiful. That longing is always there. I tend to overthink life a little bit. It is what makes me and others like myself see such greatest and beauty in life as well as sadness and despair.
My brother and I talk sometimes about people that have really lost the ability to live. They are just moving through life. Let's pretend that person is me for example. My life may look similar to what it does now, if I started living that way. I would wake up, get breakfast for my girls, go through the routines of diaper changes, naps, meals, playing, bedtime etc. And then when they were asleep maybe I would put on the television and fall asleep to it. Maybe I would get on Facebook and scroll mindlessly through all my friends. The real difference though would be that I would try very little to actually use my mind. To think through any ideas of what life is or why I am doing this job called motherhood. I know there are people out there that live this way. Too tired or too sad to really live. Just walking through the motions.
I think I may have the opposite problem. I have written before about my two sided self. The one living and talking through life and the other one thinking through it. This second self, is where I am sure all of my better writing lies. But these are all my private thoughts which can be hard to make public. Part of me wants to just post pictures and happy little stories for my girls one day. Another part of me wants to become a better writer. To process life through writing.
Last night I was laying in bed nursing Rosemary and looking through instagram. I love to follow other mothers who are artists. I am often inspired by their lives. Other times I feel jealous and incomplete. I see them make beautiful things and take beautiful pictures. I let myself wallow a bit in the fact that I don't create near as much as I would like, well besides babies. I am pretty good at making those. But as for photography, writing, learning to draw or sew... I want to do those things. But the truth is I barely have the time to write this blog.
After I think through these things I tell myself that this is just a season of life. Where I have two that are two years or younger. I also tell myself that just as some writers and poets can capture ideas and feelings of life so beautifully, there are others mothers that can make it look more beautiful. But the truth is, we are all changing poopy diapers. Everyone is living life. Yes maybe some have more opportunities that others, but lack of opportunity should never be an excuse to not try my best. To stretch myself in being a better mother, writer, wife, artist, etc.
These are a few of my favorite pictures of when my dad, step mom and meme came to visit this last weekend. I just want to write out a few memories and thoughts about their visit. I will do another post when I have a little free time. I want to talk about some of the things we did while they were here. Right now though, life is still a whirlwind after moving, having family visit, and now leaving at 4am on Thursday morning for friends wedding in Arkansas. I am trying to take one day, one moment at a time and complete tasks. The girls and I went shopping for snacks for the trip today; I am doing laundry and packing our bags. I am excited for the trip. Even if its ten hours in the car with two little ones.
Here are the things I want to remember about my family's visit though:
How my Meme and Rosemary instantly became friends. Rosemary went into her arms and would nuzzle into her neck. My Meme was so thrilled and obviously loved holding a cuddly baby. They both share the middle name of Joyce. I was originally going to use Joyce as a middle name for my first, but was so glad I waited until I really felt that the name fit. Because I do believe there is a special bond between my Meme and Rosemary.
How my dad kept having mannerisms and telling jokes that made me swear I was with my brother. I had always thought my dad and brother were not that much alike, but they are way more alike than probably either of them realize.
How I kept hearing the phrase, "He's just a simple country boy" in my head over and over when watching my dad in the city. It has made me love him even more watching him as I am now an adult too. He is so kind and sensitive and simple in the best ways.
How sensitive my Meme is just like my dad. And that maybe I got my more emotional side from my mom, but my dad's side is so sensitive. My Meme would tell me things she heard on the news and become teary eyed. Such a soft and beautiful heart.
How my step mom looked when she went indoor sky diving. Later after she watched the video she said she looked dumb when she had raised her hands and cheered at the end. I had thought the opposite. She had been nervous to do it because of her past neck surgery, but she had faced her fears and had the time of her life. Everyone in my family is afraid of heights. I know if it wasn't for her and Andrew we never would have ended up at a place like that. But it was such an awesome experience. Those are the pictures I want to add next time.