I have sat down many times this week to write an update on our life. I struggle between not having much time and just wanting to quickly write an update, and then wanting to sit down and write something beautiful. I have had this bad habit for a lot of my life. I sometimes want to do things either perfect or not at all. Two small children are helping me change that. Because a lot of the time things just get done however that may be possible. Because life really isn't perfect.
We have been in Georgetown for a week. We were officially out of our first apartment last Monday, and Andrew's next day off is this coming Monday when we will move into our new apartment in Cedar Park. I sort of like being nomadic. It was not exactly enjoyable to pack up our whole place with two small children, but I do like knowing exactly what it is we have. I like going through everything and getting rid of all the extra we really don't need. I now feel like our family is between wanting to have a home with all our special little things, and then the other side of that being just having a few simplistic pleasures and needs. Then having the ability to move and explore and take life as a big adventure.
I remember being about ten and sitting in church while a missionary talked about their work in Romania with the gypsy people. I remember that man's talk being the first real time I heard about someone really living in a culture other than their own. We had learned about other cultures in school, but I had never really heard of the missionary lifestyle of living in such a different environment that what one was raised in. This whole idea of missionary work and travel sort of opens a huge discussion that I'm not really wanting to write about in this exact post. Mostly I just wanted to say that I have always loved the idea of traveling and even doing so in college.
Traveling with small children is not the same as my college days. Going to Spain alone compared to moving across Austin with two children seems to feel like the same amount of work. This makes me second guess a more nomadic life. I also like being close to Andrew's parents and family. I like the idea of consistency, but maybe after awhile it would drive me a little crazy.
What is funny is that most of my generation was probably told growing up "you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up." Or something like that. Go to college. Pick your career. Don't let anything stop you. Or as the large banner in my high school said, "Shoot for the moon. If you miss you'll land among the stars." Or something like that. Even though the moon is way closer than any star. But either way, maybe I was the only one reading that dumb banner every time I passed it, but it engrained that idea that I could do anything. But as I have been growing up the idea has sort of become "I can have or eventually get whatever I want." The idea that my dreams are achievable has become I deserve all my dreams eventually. You know, after my student loans are paid off.
I have heard people say the problem with our generation is entitlement. Maybe we were told that we deserved the world. That we should go out and change it. Maybe now we all think its ours to own. Either way, I still love having dreams. But I am realizing that having dreams is different than counting on them to happen. Maybe we will have a great little house with land one day. Or maybe we will live in Europe for a summer. Or maybe we will move all over the place while Andrew works his way up in his career. I am learning that goals and dreams are important, but the best thing I can do is love my family and take one day at a time.
Even living in a big city compared to my country raising has me always wondering if I am raising my children right. If I am "giving them enough." But what Andrew's mom told me this week, (which funny enough Andrew also always tells me) is that different is just different. It isn't right or wrong. Blanche might not have an acre of a backyard to play in but she has the trails inside Austin to hike. Maybe my children will grow up in the same wonderful house their whole lives, filled with memories and tradition. Or maybe we will always be moving and finding new adventures and diversity.
For this week though, we are in Georgetown. Feeling nomadic in the sense that we are living out of suitcases. This week has been good for me to realize that you cannot rush time. I can't force the days to go by until we move into our new place. I have to live each day, one at a time. This week I have started seeing that each situation has pros and cons. We are in-between homes, but I have been given more time to think. Thinking about my family and our future but also about how I want to help people. We have been so blessed by Andrew's parents letting us live with them. All of our stuff everywhere. It has made me think more about how my dreams include not only loving my own children but those around me.
One of the pros of this week has been a backyard and sprinkler. Blanche loved it, and Rosemary watched her sweetly. When Blanche was finished she walked over to turn off the water. I told her good job and then I saw that she was actually turning it the wrong way on full blast. The sprinkler started spinning like crazy and spraying Rosemary as I ran to stop it. Obviously Rosemary wasn't too stressed about it. She's my easy going, life loving little girl.