I know it's too late for me to start writing. I really should go to bed. But right now all I hear is the dryer running and the keyboard moving as I type. I have missed moments to sit in silence. Andrew is working and unless I am beyond exhausted, I normally sleep in a half awake state waiting for the door to open.
I couldn't wait to look at these pictures, and they are just as beautiful as I thought they were on my camera screen with the bright sun shinning on it. Our little family just took a very long road trip. We saw so many loved ones. We put almost two thousand miles on our van. This trip revealed things to me. I get so use to my own little habitat, that when I leave it, I can see I am still changing and becoming someone, even when I don't see it very clearly. So much of the time my focus is on the girls rather than myself. I honestly just don't have much time to think about what things I like or what I find enjoyable. There are things to enjoy. I smile every day. I just don't dwell on my personality and trying to figure out who I am so much anymore, like I did during my college years. I'm mom. I'm Jeran. I'm just me.
When we first got on the road the old me came rushing back. I was so excited to be on the road. I was happy for an adventure and a change of scenery. We all had fun stopping at a Whole Foods in Dallas for breakfast and also in Oklahoma City for lunch. Andrew loves to see how other stores are set up and running. The high really lasted almost until Wichita. A lot of it probably had to do with Rosemary literally sleeping more than she was awake, and Blanche being happy with snacks and shows.
By Wichita I was starting to panic inside my mind. The girls had slept enough. No one else was going to sleep. The snacks were not as special and the shows were getting old. And we still had over three hours. A long three to four hours short, we made it. I had a mini meltdown inside a chick fil a bathroom. Sitting in the van my stomach felt like it was caving into my uterus. Even using the restroom while the girls got their meals through the drive thru was testing my patience. A set of ten year old twin girls were taking an eternity to wash their hands. One was more socially aware than the other. One girl was just taking her sweet time. I literally wanted to rush time to wash my hands and be at my dad's house. I didn't want to be in that bathroom or get back in the car.
But we made it. I was closer to a full meltdown than the girls. Rosemary ended the trip by taking an award winning shot of Andrew driving all by herself on my phone. I swear google maps told me only 11 hours one day before the trip. With stops it took us 16 hours. From 4:15am to 8:15pm. Just writing it out is painful. I fed the girls 14 pounds of food and crawled to the backseat 23 times. Which is basically like working out for four hours.
So maybe I arrived a bit worn out. But we were all so glad to finally be there.
These pictures are not from the first day in Missouri but actually the last. But I love these pictures. I thought about doing lots of posts and going day by day. But then I figured this blog is mostly for myself and maybe my kids one day. So I'm just going to share what I want, when I want.
The day we went out to my Uncle Mike and Aunt Pam's house was such a retreat from all the busyness of our travels. There were fruit trees and gardens and birds and bees. Andrew wore Rosemary for her nap on his back in the ergo. He was barefoot with his jeans rolled up and he just walked through the grass and gardens for over an hour. I love seeing his heart fill up. This little slice of land was what we dream of being able to have one day. It doesn't see possible right now, with Andrew working for Whole Foods in a city... but Andrew told me that day that he is just on the other end of it right now. He is a voice for the farmers, selling their organic food. My Uncle Mike is growing it. Maybe one day Andrew will too.
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