After nine months of being at our new place, and almost four months with a baby... the Nycum family has come back into the world wide web. To cut living expenses, until yesterday we had been internet and television free... with the occasionally rented movies from the library and internet on our small phone screens. I honestly didn't mind it. I think our culture relies too much on entertainment. But then, when I tried nursing my baby in a coffee shop while uploading pictures for Nana and Gigi, I started to reconsider. Maybe being able to use my computer at home did have its perks. So, with tips flowing like honey for Andrew at the cafe, we have enough income for the internet once again. This also means that my dormant blog can reawaken with witty newborn humor. Or something like that.
Yes, if you haven't heard. I had a baby. Her name is Blanche Olive Nycum. She also happens to be the cutest baby ever. Its amazing that out of all the babies in the world, I got the cutest. Go figure. To be honest, I really don't want to waste your time and mine with my thirty hour labor story. Lets just say, it was the worst thing I had ever been through. Not because I can't stand pain... more because of numbers like 220 and 190. You know, my blood pressure. Compared to my steady 120/60. That and the severe swelling over my entire body. And also having them try to set my epidural 12 times. Okay, so those are my battle wounds.
I always use to read women's birth stories and swear that any awful or frightening element of it would never happen to me. But it does. I think it happens to most. Not all, but most. But that's what makes us women. I think a lot of people think that staying home and having babies isn't as empowering as the corporate world. Excuse me? Did you just see me push that baby out? Or even just grow and carry the thing for nine months? Let me tell you, motherhood is plenty enough for all those feminists out there. And thats not even counting raising the child.
Of course it's worth the work. That's why people continue to repopulate I guess. Those first several weeks I know I was wondering how people could do it more than once... but before one knows it his or her baby is all the sudden giving them this amazing smile that makes you want to do it all over again. We have had our share of difficulties in the last few months; Blanche being sick her first few weeks of life with ABO blood incompatibility and high jaundice as a result, and then as soon as she seemed to be on the mend, I had surgery to have my gallbladder out. But now as my surgery scars fade, and Blanche is all better and is even crying less and less (besides that hell of a car seat) we have begun to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I even think I have discovered a few "mom wisdoms."
Mom wisdoms (or at least what I try and tell myself) :
1. Every morning upon waking up, take one very large chill pill. Everything is going to be okay. Sometimes babies cry. Sometimes they spit up all over you. Sometimes they don't nap and don't go to bed when you want them too. But its okay. Because no one stays a baby forever. Most of the time, they are grown before you know it.
2. I really have nothing to prove. I don't need to defend myself to the world as a mother. All I really need to do is love my baby the best that I can. And most days, I really do try my hardest.
3. Being a parent means getting over yourself. Which is really hard to do. I'm hungry? Blanche is hungry? Blanche wins. I'm tired? Blanche is awake? Blanche wins. I'm awake and ready for a fun evening? Blanche is tired? Blanche wins. I realize that this won't be the case forever.
4. Though I may long for a few hours to myself, a night out on the town, and weekend with the girls, etc. etc. and may not be able to obtain that right now... it's not forever. And as soon as it isn't forever, I will be spending my time remembering and reminiscing. Most kids go to school around five years old. Five. Thats it. And then my baby is not really my baby anymore. When I long for time alone, sometimes I think of when I am old and all I will want is to be with someone.
5. I am so deeply blessed with a beautiful, healthy, amazing daughter. That I conceived, carried, and brought into this world. I have done something amazing. I am a mother. I keep my child alive every day. She has grown and thrived because I have poured hours into feeding her with my own body. Now if that isn't worth my time, what is?
*Also, a big shout out to Andrew Nycum, the best father in the world. He is also able to soothe, care for, play, and love his daughter (without any breasts I might add) incredibly. He has even maybe been the one making sure I survive while making sure Blanche does.