Thursday, September 27, 2012

Why I need my husband.

Well, to start, my husband has been helping me make this blog a place to showcase my photos. He's been reading and learning how to edit the HTML. You know, the things I'm bad at but need done. Andrew can just set his mind to something and do it.

I love that about him.

I'm not going to go on and on in sappy comments, but I am going to write something out so I can remember it in the days and years to come. My husband is exactly the person I need. I don't always think that. I even can get mad at him for never being as uptight as me. The real story is that I'm jealous that I can't be as laid back and calm in certain situations.

Thats why why I'm "An Artist. With Occasional Meltdowns." Because I was born different and creative. But I was also born slightly neurotic when it comes to certain things being a certain way. My mom tells me even as a little girl I never really played with my barbies. I just set it all up. Maybe it was that I loved (and still do) the idea of making things beautiful. But sometimes I think maybe I am incapable of making beautiful things. I really don't know why I am the way I am completely. I know I did make a beautiful baby. So there is that.

Andrew on the other hand, seems to take life a little more as it comes. When he hits the bed at night, he is normally out within five minutes. Me on the otherhand, even if I am completely exhausted, I will lay there. I will think about everything there is to think about. Maybe its a man vs. woman thing. I don't know. Either way, its not that he doesn't stress at times. Or get annoyed. Or tired. Or grouchy. But he is able to stop and say, lets not let life pass us by. There will always be things that need to be done. But Blanche will only be in her first year of life for another two weeks.

I need that person. That person that says its okay that there is spaghetti on the floor from dinner... look at our daughter. Look what she's doing right now, isn't she beautiful?

And you know what happens, most of the time?

I say, you know, she is beautiful.

And then the artist in me starts to breathe a little. And I get out my camera. And then all the sudden the chore of bath time becomes a beautiful moment I have to document before it passes me by.

Tonight I read something a friend from college had written on her own blog. She wrote,

"I'm starting to realize more and more that basically life is just made up of seconds, that there's no point in rushing them or getting to the next one because each of them lead you to a new understanding about yourself and about love and about existence."

Wise words from a talented artist.

So, thats why I need my husband. Because even though there are a thousand things I need him for, most importantly, he helps me live life how I really want to live it. I mean, the spaghetti isn't going to clean itself up...but if I ask nicely, most of the time he will help me with that too.

Monday, September 24, 2012

The best type of busyness.

This weekend was one of the first that Andrew was able to have off and not be called to work at the cafe. The cafe is expanding into the bookstore next door, which is exciting but requiring more work of Andrew. Blanche already loves the space that is the new "kids corner" full of books. The new side isn't open to the public yet, but I am looking forward to now when she goes to visit daddy, she will have books to look at while I drink my coffee.

But of course, the weekend that Andrew is off Blanche had some virus that gave her a fever for three to four days. Andrew and I were talking about how it  seems like there is always something. Which maybe thats just the phase of life we are in right now.

So, we tried to make the most of the weekend and when Blanche seemed in good spirits and her fever was down we tried to get outside. Andrew let Blanche get in the creek and touch the "waterfall" which she loved. Plus we discovered that now that Blanche is crawling and pretty sturdy, she can actually play a little on the smaller play place at the park.

Honestly it wasn't exactly a restful weekend. Sick babies have a way of exhausting everyone else to a point of sickness. But I know she can't help it. Today she just seems to be screaming... who knows, probably growing. I've quit saying she's teething because she will be one in less than a month and has yet to get a tooth. Haha. Like I said, always something. I guess the goal for Andrew and I has been to learn to love both Blanche and each other in the midst of harder times. Not that life is by any means "hard" compared to some people I know. Its just about learning to adjust to life with a baby. A life that never really stops and isn't about you anymore.

Over the last week as I have decided to try and start blogging and keeping it updated I keep asking myself why. Am I doing it for anyone? I tend to be a perfectionist. And so since my blog doesn't look like this: I sometimes wonder if its worth it. I want to have beautiful pictures or moving words. Or a blog that everybody wants to read or pin. But the thing is I'm just another person. Just another mom. So maybe this blog is more for me. To learn to write out what's going on, and to be able to track how much I've grown (and Blanche too). And its cliche but I will never be as good as these other bloggers, with their beautiful photos, until I start trying. And so in the midst of never having much time I'm attempting to at least try. To try and carry my camera around and keep family thats far away updated on our lives. And to do this because I enjoy it, rather than trying to be perfect or the best. I feel like I am constantly telling myself that seasons never last forever. And one day I will miss never having much time.

So here's to embracing. And living life. And trying to love the best I can.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

"So...What do you do with her all day?"

I had a single friend of mine ask me that question this week. The "So, what do you do with her all day?"question. She was curious, and I was ready to tell her... but then I actually had to stop and think, "What do I do with her all day?" Its not to say I'm not busy or have nothing to do. Because that is the farthest thing from the truth. Like I wrote early this week in my previous post, I hardly feel like I have time aside from Blanche. Its just sometimes your days become a blur. I try to step back and think... "well, we wash and fold diapers, we play with toys, we eat and then clean up, we nurse, we watch Sesame Street...we wait for daddy to come home..."

So I decided as part of this whole take more pictures thing, that I would start trying to remember and capture what we do all day. Because every mom knows there are a million things that need to be done, but most one year olds are not up for an entire day dedicated to cleaning the house.

When I use to think about having a baby (before actually having one) I always imagined just sitting there rocking the baby or looking at this beautiful creature I had made. Its like my imagination had forgotten about the whole everything else in life thing. That life still is happening, just with a baby. And when you are at home for every meal... there are messes to clean up after every meal. And that as cute and eco friendly as cloth diapers are, they have to be dunked in toilet water while your baby desperately tries to put her hands in too.

Right now Blanche has had a fever for over 24 hours and hasn't been sleeping well due to not feeling great. She's still up. Crawling around the house. And honestly, I'm glad I took these pictures of the happy moments. Because every mom knows that having a baby and running a household is really a balancing act. An act where you drop everything multiple times a day and have to start all over again. Trying to juggle giving your child attention and helping them learn and grown, and trying to keep up the house, and also just trying to keep yourself sane... (like right now as I write Blanche has crawled up to me smelling absolutely awful). So, I guess I'm going to go change a diaper. Thats what we do all day.

Monday, September 17, 2012

New Years Resolution. In September.

 I have decided to refocus. I want to try and work on these few things:

1. Photography... Yes, this was my major in college. I have decided that I want/need to carry around my camera more and start taking real pictures. Don't get me wrong, I love instagram as much (or more) than the next person, but I really don't want to have Blanche's entire life only documented on my phone. Especially when I spent roughly 100,000 dollars on a photography major. Ugh. 

2. Sewing... My latest obsession has been cutting up receiving blankets to make cloth wipes and hankies. I don't know if you could call this sewing... but I want to do more of it. It seems calming. And I one day want to be that awesome mom that goes to the Salvation Army and buys an oversized flannel shirt and BAM its a dress for Blanche. One day.

3.Writing... I have always enjoyed writing and have always kept a journal. Obviously this blog is not consistent at all and I want to change that. So my hope is that maybe I can turn this Ol' blog around. Make it worth something. Maybe get better at actually taking pictures and putting them on here rather than instagram and facebook. I'm ready for a change... I need a facelift to my creative life. SOMETHING.

I'm not going to lie. I really have no time. Actually I do have time but most of it is with Blanche. And thats the way I want it to be. So, maybe I can start just capturing more of it and taking her hand and showing her what it means to be creative. Maybe she too will have an artist inside of her heart and mind trying to keep sane in a busy world. Or least we can finger paint together.

Ironically enough, the last (and very long ago) blog post that I did was about having too many hobbies. Or the hobby of making more hobbies. Lately I have decided to refocus. I want to try and work on these few things: