Saturday, February 7, 2015

Spring is Coming

So far my experience with winters in Texas is that compared to my childhood in Missouri, it always feels like Spring is coming. It seems that we will have a week of winter, and then a beautiful day or two. And here in Austin, Texas winter is now to me anywhere from 35-50 degrees. And then our beautiful day is 50-70. Which really is an amazing winter. From just looking back at my own pictures, I can tell that the last couple of months have had more cold and rainy days than warm. We have not been outside as much. We have been doing more inside activities and having lazy days. Which I actually love. There really is not too time to be lazy when there are children running around, but we have stayed in our pjs longer and had a lot more days where chores and free play happen.

I have been writing and thinking about the seasons, and how I enjoy them for what they can teach me. Winter is not so intimidating here, and I think it really is something I need. My family has had snow this last week in Missouri, and the little child part of my heart ached at the thought and memory of it snowing outside and my dad building a fire. There is just something that feels rustic and raw about my childhood. I think its why I am always dreaming and in search of that one day "Bohemian Farm." I always complained about small town life and wanting to live in the city. But now my heart aches for those cold winter country mornings. Some of my happiest memories of my dad are snow days. He was so predictable, and I guess I loved it. He would be sitting on the couch the morning I woke up with snow all around our house. (Normally he was always gone before we woke.) He would be in his gray sweatpants and red flannel shirt and drinking hot tea. This is the only time in my life I ever saw him drink hot tea. And he watched The Price is Right. "Come on down..." I just loved snow days because it forced us all to stop and spend the entire day together. I sometimes want that for my little family too. But I know our beautiful weather has the same effect, and maybe Blanche and Rosemary will have the raw and rustic memories of hiking on dusty Austin, Texas trails with their family.

I think in a small way, this acceptance of a "new winter" is maybe me accepting my new life here. I never really thought I would live in Texas. I knew when Andrew and I met in Arkansas during college that our Arkansas life would probably just be temporary. But I have found myself really happy here lately. This has probably been the happiest winter I have had in a long time. Andrew said he can tell that I am more content and happy. I don't feel so lonely. I feel loved when I'm with friends and loved when I with the girls alone. We have found a church that we really like as well. Everyone is super laid back and they meet in the gym at the YMCA. It feels like a good fit for us right now. It is good to feel welcomed and loved.

Of course there are always wants and desires for our life. Oh how I would love to have a yard for the girls to play in. I would love to take them outside in an area where I didn't have to either have a constant eye on them, or drive to a park and risk someone falling asleep for a late nap. I see houses for sell in just want one so bad. I just want to have something that is ours. Sometimes hearing everything all your neighbors are doing all around you just gets old. I would love a tree by a window and in our backyard. But, I also know that I am becoming not only a better mother by learning to live with less, but stronger. I can tote my two girls around the city and nowadays I keep my calm more than losing my temper while attempting this feat. I know our family is right where we need to be. God is and always has provided for us. I feel like motherhood gives me a chance to not only serve but to die to myself every. single. day. This is a good life. A good winter.

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